Doing Something for Its Own Sake

Why do we want our children to take piano lessons?

Is it to become world-famous artists? In most cases this is misguided. Only for a very small fraction of a fraction of a percentage of students is this a viable goal. The competition is fierce, the market is over-crowded, and the lifestyle is often far from glamorous, albeit exciting and artistically fulfilling for some.

Is it to have a career in music regardless of fame or fortune? This is a good option for anyone who truly loves music – and far more likely in the right economy –  even though in sheer dollar terms the incredible amount of time and effort it takes to make this work could be spent mastering a far more lucrative profession.

Of course deciding on what is possible from day one is a tremendous mistake, so I’m not advocating it, only playing Monday morning analyst.

Once I had a mother come to me saying “I want my son to study piano so he can learn discipline.” The poor little boy couldn’t move an inch without her saying: “You see? I can’t stand when he acts like that.” I was not the right teacher for her. I care about creating great musicians, not about breaking spirits.

If by discipline you mean things like hard work towards a goal, patience, concentration, delayed gratification, self-restraint, and so on, then of course you’ll gain these things in mastering nearly any difficult skill. But if by discipline you mean “obedience” or “not thinking for yourself” you should consider getting a dog.

So then why study the piano?

Well “because you love music”, of course.  But many 5 or 6-year-olds can’t possibly comprehend the masterpieces waiting for them, so let me try to be less deep: because you enjoy it. Enjoyment is a great reason to study anything, especially as a child, because it leads to self-discovery. But there’s a deeper reason to study the piano that often only exposes itself after years of study: it teaches a you to engage with art.

Art is the end-in-itself. It’s probably one of the few things that is fundamentally important in life. Stripped of wealth, fame, health, and even loved ones, art is something that one can simply contemplate. It is a reason for living that is deeper and more enduring than daily distractions, frivolities, and vicissitudes. You see stories with headlines like “Music Students Get Better SAT Scores”. Good for music! But is this really why we should study it?

As a busy person, I often wonder how much of what I do will really matter decades from now. And on the other hand, how much of my “busyness” right now is simply a distraction. When everything fades away, what will be left without any beauty and real meaning?

I love luxurious things, but we all know about  people who have all the trappings of wealth and luxury, but lack the psychological or emotional inner-life to enjoy it. They have the stuff, but not the meaning.

Nowadays, children are pushed for incredible accomplishments on things like test scores, getting into a good school, and finding a lucrative career. This is the “nice stuff” we want for them. Maybe we do that because we’re scared. But I wonder: once the ivy-league diploma is in hand, and the lucrative job pays off, what is left? Were these decades of life worth the trade if the price was a real sense of self?

Likewise, are all the clean scales and competition victories in the world worth it if your child was really a painter, computer programmer, or basketball player at heart?

So yes, you can give your child music lessons for a lot of reasons. But in a few cases maybe – just maybe – she will actually learn to play the thing and discover an inner passion. If not, if piano is just an interest, that’s fine too. But if she hates it, well then try find try to find something that she can learn to enjoy.

This is how you discover yourself, find out what is really important in life, and in some cases contemplate art. It has nothing to do with meeting others’ expectations, getting higher scores, getting into a good school, winning a competition, or making the parent or the teacher look good. Whatever you do, it’s about enjoyment, meaning, and doing the thing itself.